Gotta say, I disagree with the extreme nature of that statement. Realize that your child does not have to like your rules, they simply need to find a way to abide by them. My personal relationship with my dad was almost non-existent when I was a tween/early teen, except for those forced family moments. His father worked out of town 5 days a week and was hunting on the weekends during hunting season, so my husband would see him maybe one day a week. Its every parents nightmare: watching their child drift away from them. You can share your interests in a positive, fun way or you can try to force them on the child and he seems to think that forcing them on the child while belittling her is the way to go. Im not trying to argue with you Mark, I see your point and agree with much of it I just think its possible that the daughter is the one who introduced Mom to some of these things, and Mom became a fan. Id say the exact same thing if your roles were reversed here, and somehow she ONLY wanted to watch the History Channel and go hiking. Ill go hiking with you, and I promise to go with an open mind and not complain about it. On the other side, my sister hates sports and has ZERO in common with my dad and I would say prefers my mom to him. I was saying thats debatable. He had an inflated sense of self-importance that led him to believe he was superior and entitled to only the best. (Kept me sane), Astronomer But I loved my dad and my mom encouraged me and sometimes when I was being a brat prodded me -into hanging out with my dad. How Psychologically Conditioned Rats Are Defusing Landmines, 7 Ticking Time Bombs That Destroy Loving Relationships, The Single Best (and Hardest) Thing to Give Up, 3 Ways to Reclaim Your Hope and Happiness. It cant be. Whats ok is to have a balance. findingtheearth If anything, his dislike for it will help it belong to her more fully as she learns to separate herself from her parents. I promise, the daughter will remember and cherish the efforts. is that daughter has been driving with her dad for . (I remember one long drive when i was little where we ran out of all other cds and they suffered through it for a little while and I was happy as a clam, but eventually they couldnt deal with it anymore). Find your shared interests and go from there? Why should your husband treat her that way?? July 2, 2013, 4:01 pm. I honestly think both parents are at fault. But the dad is giving the kid homework? LW, your daughter sounds awesome. She grabs every opportunity to be near him but won't actually tell him how she feels. Just because FOX cancelled Firefly doesnt mean its not awesome anymore. So, dont deprive your daughter of the sort of things you learn about life when doing not fun things with one of your parents. Heck no! She may also believe that by getting divorced, youll finally be able to find the happiness that you deserve. But he read the paper and talked about the articles, so I started reading the paper and talking about the articles. July 2, 2013, 2:59 pm. Way to become a teenager yourself dad. Remember, your relationship with your spouse should come first. But no amount of time spent is going to make an experience with someone who doesnt really respect you as you are more enjoyable. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. I consider myself mature and intelligent, yet Ill still watch mindless shit sometimes. Guy asked me out and now makes me feel bad for saying no. Making your kids do shit they dont necessarily like a lot is just life. And like I said above, I like the idea of assignments to widen your daughters horizons. By virtue of him going about his business, I was interested and wanted to participate. You dont always have to act like a 12 year old girl in her presence. Yeah, I think its going to be hard for her to get her husband to listen to her parent to parent if hes already being alienated. I cant concentrate, I get bored, shit distracts me, I have to deal with the kids/dogs/etc and then people bitch Im not there to play, then I play badly as Im not paying attention.. so I try to get out of it then get all snitty reactions since Im not joining in having fun. I cant believe you didnt address that. My husband her step-dad has Always been supportive financially to both my children and loves them like his own. He broadened my view of the world, showed me things that I wouldnt have seen without him. Cant we at least celebrate that the things listed like Harry Potter probably indicate that the daughter is reading a lot of books not a bad thing , lets_be_honest More of a this is silly than yall are stupid eye roll. No. I see it as a dad getting short changed and mom monopolizing time with daughter. July 2, 2013, 11:17 am, Skyblossom How so? Roll your eyes!?! Well, how nice for you that your 12-year-old daughter is interested in all the same things youre interested in! You dont have to worship the same pop culture icons to have solid relationships. It is just another thought though really, because going back and reading it again she includes herself in everything her husband gets mad at. He should show her that he can make an effort to enjoy her interests and encourage her in the same spirit to enjoy his. My stepfather and my mother told me I was weird and that Id regret it because Id never be popular or normal, or get boys to like me. Sad. But I wouldnt have done any of those things if my parents let me do what I wanted whenever I wanted. July 2, 2013, 2:09 pm, Absolutely agree. You sometimes got what you needed but not what you expected in unpredictable moments that made no sense. Definitely! And, as I am sure you know from previous experience, exploding doesn't make anything better. I intervene and quieten things down when I can, but it's not easy and I am at the point of wondering whether it's all worth the effort. sign, Get the day's headlines delivered directly to your inbox, You need to be gentle but honest with your friend about her crush. If you are involved with a crazy-making partner, dont think youre alone. You know at the beginning of the last indiana jones movie where indie comes running home and needs to ask his dad something but his dad makes him count to 10 in latin? You may need to have a conversation with your husband and daughter separately to get to the bottom of whats going on. Well, I feel like I may offer a different perspective on this. On a side note, two weekends ago I went on a family camping trip. And hed be more likely to help her find an actual interest, not just an ability to tolerate. See a different horoscope: Select Would I have said, at 12 or 13, Hey Dad, hows about a trip to Home Depot on this fine Sunday? We laughed because the one garden that got me actually excited and interested (the Japanese gardens) was her least favorite and is also my dads favorite type of gardens. My mom is super-duper awesome. You dont have to love Justin Bieber and Broadway to just ask the kid why she loves it so much. Your confidence in yourself as a reasonable and intelligent human being may have rapidly diminished. That made me feel really loved and gave me a sense of confidence that is so, so important in a young girl (well, anyone, really). I was so annoyed! He also occasionally went to movies with us. I dont comment a lot but wanted to say I often like your comments. Make it a game. Husband treats 15 year old step son badly. This can cause a lot of tension in the family. My father (and mother, if I want to be totally honest) would criticize anything that my sister and I had an interest in, regardless of how much value it did or did not have. ), and Vietnam, but he doesnt care much about the hippie culture, so even though I love that, we skip that. And I dont think that tv shows a mature, intelligent adult would watch necessarily means they are good shows to watch. He leaves at 5:00 a.m. every morning to support me and our children. It is definitely a good idea for the LW to lead her daughter by example by showing an interest in Dads interests and even suggesting an outing that he would like or that all of them would enjoy. It stated in the letter that the daughter does try to be accommodating. Try to find something that they can both enjoy, maybe small doses of togetherness at first. I think the dad most definitely needs to be happy with the daughter he has, and not spend so much energy trying to shame her into being the daughter he wants, So he should act like an adult and not take his frustration out on his daughter by telling her that her interests annoy him. My dream is to just have a commune where all my family lives together , honeybeenicki The How I Met Your Father star welcomed her son, Luca, with ex-husband Mike Comrie in 2012. This can be a normal and healthy part of adolescence, but it can also be painful for parents who feel like they are losing the close relationship they once had with their child. Our grandmother let us watch Bambi as a treat and I cried and cried, so my father responded by tricking me into eating venison the next week, and then as soon as I ate it all, telling me it was Bambis mother. Why Does Your Daughter Wants You To Leave Your Husband? If your husband wants a good relationship with his daughter he must first quit disparaging her and her interests and he must quit rolling his eyes. Those twin feelings are what create the strong urge to come back with intense commitment after each escape.. Required fields are marked *. First let me say that my daughter is getting married and her dad is no help. As an only child, I didnt have to share my parents, and I just happened to love the things my dad loved. Build him up to your daughter while your opinion still means something to her. This is partly why it can be so challenging to get a cognitively impaired individual to stop driving. Yes, he makes fun of my sister and mother and i whenever we talk a lot about Girly things, like makeup and hair, which I find annoying and a little jerky; but I dont think hes failed at parenting because of it. July 2, 2013, 3:17 pm. My dad got me into the Beatles and Hendrix, so I hear that! I agree with you, again. No. Dream! However, now as an adult, he appreciates my intelligence and how much thought and research I put into topics, even if we dont agree. What if your partner rolled his eyes and engaged in ever escalating arguments would you keep pushing them together!?! Maybe shell end up in the entertainment industry, or become a writer. And then, the next morning, he was an angel and brought me coffee in bed. I recommend that the LW keep a very close eye on this. You probably had no idea you were getting into this no-win relationship when it began. Think of it this way: the car insurance typically follows the car, not the driver. I think some of Wendys advice is accurate, you need to encourage the relationship between father and daughter. Sci-Fi is a great gateway to get kids interested in sciencethere was a museum exhibit traveling around called Star Wars: Where Science Meets Imagination, and theres a similar one about Indiana Jones and archaeology. Even if you didn't start out as a control freak, you might have realized that you morphed into one. And my husband tried; he can shoot bow and arrow (his dads favorite) very well, can recognize animal tracks, knows a number of out-doorsy tricks.it was never good enough. Usually sharks.). Plus he writes strong female characters, which is good for any girl growing up to identify with. Within a year of this, my dad became abusive. No one ever said that being a parent would be easy, and when your husband and daughter dont get along, it can be especially difficult. Do I look back on those times with my dad now and appreciate the time we spend together? It makes them feel safe. My husband has driven our children away with his dictatorial behaviour 04 May, 2019 01:00 You need to be gentle but honest with your friend about her crush MY HUSBAND is not an emotional. I love all things Hitchcock now, and not because she brainwashed me if she had her way, Id also love The Three Stooges and The Twilight Zone, and Im not nearly as crazy about those. Our daughter just turned thirteen and she loves Star Trek, Dr. Who, Cat Warriors, fantasy books, theater and acting and swimming. July 15, 2013, 3:00 pm. Plus, I like Rick Castle. But everyone needs to learn to laugh at themselves if they accidentally trip and spagetti plops on their head, when they are home surrounded by loved ones (and the oppurtunity to change clothing). Im guessing the teen might be into the more recent iterations of Star Trek, the latest movies to come out of that franchise. If you dont find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), do a search in the search bar, or submit a question for advice at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com. (even though his tone and demeanor sound indefensively harsh, cruel and mean.). He did research and found these beautiful Gotz dolls for my sister and I. Even if they like different kinds of books (fantasy vs. history, for example), if they both like to read, Dad can take her to Barnes & Noble and buy her a novel and a cup of coffee. He did crossword puzzles so I sat down next to him so I could learn and now we do them together. That sounds awful, Im, so sorry. Settlers of Catan! If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com. Maybe not the way it is being done (which Im not sure how that is) but it is possible to make it fun and even do it as a family. But are there REALLY that many teen girls into Star Trek? Its that shes finding she doesnt always like her dad. But the problem here is not that the daughter dislikes her dads interests. They gave me a mixtape with a whole bunch of different Beatles on it, and I am still a huge Beatles fan to this day. One thing that works is to invite a friend along because then she looks forward to the activity and has fun and at the same time she is still interacting with parents. And my fingers are still crossed for you , kerrycontrary We were so thrilled. Im from PA, and I watched entirely too much This Old House as a child. He is an adult and should act like one- his daughter will model her behavior off of his and what she is learning now is why bother respecting those with different interests. But talking about that kind of shit non-stop is just BORING. Others say no because the spouse is the one person who will always be there for you, no matter what. Theres got to be at least one thing that the two of them have in common. I had and to some extent probably still have some self-esteem issues that stemmed from my dads iffy parenting. Most of which are tucked away out of sight. I understand how you might be torn how easy it might be to embrace every second you have with her when you know all too soon, shell outgrow her fangirl stage, or at the very least, embrace additional teen-related obsessions, thereby reducing the time she cares to spend with you, and then soon after shell be leaving you and heading off for adventures of her own, away from you and her dad. Look, Im sorry, but your hand here is rather plainly seen. But you know what. So because you think something is a timewaster you get to mock people for their interests at 12. We all died laughing. Hes trying to be a parent to her and teach her what he thinks is important for her to know, while I am trying to encourage her to develop her own interests and do what she loves. 6napkinburger One teenager in the house is bad enough But TWO must be exhausting. I am a nurse who works night shifts, and I have a working son, 21, and student daughter 20. my husband and their father died 3 years ago, and I have been working steadily. Maybe raising a daughter with a social perspective. July 2, 2013, 11:08 am. Its interesting how the commenters with nice, loving parents saw this one way, and those of us with our experience saw it as something much darker. July 3, 2013, 3:26 am, You probably know this already but Meribor = Picards daughter. It should open up LWs eyes to the reality of the situation. But believe it or not, a lot of my nerdy students do like Buffy quite a few of them go to conventions, and as far as I can tell, theyre just giant nerd festivals, so its actually kind of easy to encounter something that was popular 15 years ago because where there are nerds, there is Buffy. He is also very critical of both of us, but particularly of her lack of competitiveness (she hates team sports, and takes archery and piano but only for fun), lack of initiative, and being uninformed, to the extent that he gives her assignments, like reading articles from National Geographic and discussing them with him, which, of course, she resents. July 2, 2013, 11:06 am. I would call that well-rounded. Its so easy to kill that spark in a child, well done to the mum for supporting her daughter in doing what she loves! I was just trying to say basically the same thing, but it got all garbled. I tried to go fishing with my dad a few times when I was younger and it was the most boring thing on the planet. What would be the point of responding to him when he would not be the one reading it? If youre struggling to get along with your teen or adult daughter, dont hesitate to seek professional help. I think it still disappoints him that I dont enjoy it, and havent watched it all. I think the bottom line is that she is twelve- all of her interests could change in a year or two. I can look back on those time I was forced to go mini golfing with my dad and smile, because I know how happy it made him, and I always ended up having fun, too! Their mind is broken, causing them to seriously overestimate their driving abilities. I hope the LW sees your comment. Its important to remember that it is not always your fault if your partner and child dont get along. A museum or something might be a good start. ). I agree mostly with your last paragraph, but I wonder how close the LWs perception of the assignments is to reality or whether it might actually be closer to what you described. And make it a good one. I think you should take Wendys advice about showing interest in your husbands hobbies (hoping your daughter will take your lead), but you could also talk to your husband. The advice to the LW is good, but she cannot change her husbands behavior. Both of them are alike in that they are argumentative, particularly with each other, and if they disagree with each other or even have a misunderstanding neither will let it go, such that WE end up with ridiculous escalating fights.. If you have any concerns that your husband is driving your daughter away, be sure to talk to him about it. We had some past issues that affected our relationship.
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